is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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