Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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