haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
