She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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