Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
