i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
