I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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