remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
