Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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