put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
