you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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