My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
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I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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