At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
