hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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