i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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