shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my liver is dry heaving
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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