If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
