the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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