Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
