Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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