at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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