Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
