I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
