I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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