Grow some girl-balls and come out already
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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