Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
