I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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