I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
