We're facebook friends in real life
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said her name was "party"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
