you would pick up someone in the library
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I party with great urgency now.
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