Your face is a jimmy john
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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