My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
