I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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