I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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