it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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