If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
