Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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