god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize