This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
