Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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