Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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