if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
