It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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