somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
