Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
