11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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