i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
