it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
