remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
BRING THE BAGELS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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