I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
