This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
