She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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