god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
