Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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