we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
