So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
