Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
